Through the Parents' Eyes: Welcoming a Child’s Autism Diagnosis

December, 2025

Written by: 

Dr. Mitze Burnett, PsyD, LMFT, BCBA-D. 

Founder & CEO of Burnett Therapeutic Services

Over the past few years, the reality of living with a child who has a diagnosis of autism has become an increasingly discussed subject. TV shows have been shining a great light on autism, bringing much-needed positivity around the condition. In fact, after your child receives the diagnosis of autism, many parents turn to social media to find out all about how to best support their child. Along the way, you may have even found a greatly supportive community in the meantime.

However, if your initial reaction was shock, fear, or anxiety, you are not alone. Sometimes, reading about how an autism diagnosis is a gift or makes special children can feel disingenuous to how you are truly feeling inside: overwhelmed and unsure of how to approach this. This feeling may then be followed up by confusion or self-blame, where you ask yourself, “Where did I go wrong? Could I have done something different?” And finally, thinking this could make you feel guilty, as you may have wanted to have a ‘normal child.’ This is a judgment-free zone. Hearing this diagnosis is a shock to many parents, as it shifts the picture of the future you had envisioned. Suddenly, even though you may have suspected something was different, having it confirmed can bring a rush of emotions that are difficult to cope with all by yourself: relief from finally having the confirmation, grief, hope that you will now get access to the best resources to help support your child, and many more.

 This blog looks at autism through your eyes as a parent. It acknowledges the grief and uncertainty that often come with a diagnosis, explores your mental health needs as a parent, and will offer resources for you to make use of, including what ABA staff can do to support you.

The Emotional Response to an Autism Diagnosis

Autism is a different way of experiencing and interacting with the world. It affects how individuals, including children, communicate, interact with others, behave, and think. No two children with autism are alike. But for you as a parent, the diagnosis is far more than just a few words on a piece of paper. It tells you about the new reality you will continuously be living in for the next few years, and depending on the severity, for the rest of your life.

For many, this moment is unforgettable. Some parents experience an initial sense of shock or numbness, thinking, ‘I knew something was different, but I did not expect this,’ while others might experience a sense of relief: finally, there is a name for what they have been noticing. You may experience…

●      Shock and disbelief (Is this really happening?)

●      Fear of the unknown (What will this mean concretely? Does my child have to change schools? Will they lead a normal life?)

●      Guilt or self-blame (Did I miss something? Did I do something wrong?)

●      Relief (Now we know, finally, we can get help!)

These emotions are all very normal to have.

On top of all this, your stress increases. You have new assessments, meetings, therapy sessions, and school appointments to create supporting documents and find the appropriate support services. You might also be asked to make big decisions quickly, like deciding which interventions to choose, how many hours of therapy you want for your child, whether you want them to change schools, how care will be coordinated, and so on. It is overwhelming! It becomes somewhat of an invisible load: even when you are functioning, even when you are doing everything right, you might feel like you are constantly running behind.

Grieving the Imagined Future While Loving Your Child

Your child may be standing right in front of you, and you may still feel another very powerful emotion: grief. As parents, we grieve for the future we imagined we would have with our children. It is ok to be sad, and it is ok to grieve, even if your child is right in front of you. You are now facing a very different reality where you need to rethink how your child will navigate school, friendships, relationships in general, the future, adulthood, independence, and many more. Naturally, the idea of parenting is entirely challenged. That is a difficult reality to accept.

This grief does not mean you value your child less, and accepting this will help you cope with the guilt that often ensues these feelings of grief. It does not mean you wish you had a different child, or that you wish your child were “normal.” Do not think that ‘a good parent would just accept this and be strong,’ a good parent is a parent who acknowledges these emotions, and they are absolutely normal.

In fact, since autism is often seen as a debilitating condition, you may think that this is it: this is the end of that dream. But that in itself is a discourse to challenge: children with autism often grow into very capable and independent adults.

Your Wellbeing Matters: Your Mental Health Needs

Your mental health is especially important to take care of as the parent of a child with autism. Indeed, research[1] has shown that parents whose social support is weaker and who perceive their needs to remain unmet face significantly higher levels of anxiety and depression than parents who reported their needs were met. Other research[2] has additionally shown that caring for an individual with autism can lead to anxiety, chronic stress, and interpersonal difficulties, which again highlights the need for you to pay particular attention to your mental health. This very research, conducted in 2024, concluded that coping strategies were critical for parents’ mental health, including “utilizing social support networks, seeking professional help, and positive reappraisal of the situation[3].”

Beyond these, a 2018 review of 23 studies[4] provided guidelines on the type of support you can benefit from:

●      Interacting with other parents of children with autism via support groups and communities

●      Working with practitioners who “serve as advocates for parents and help them find appropriate services and resources to ensure there are no gaps in services for the child[5]”

●      Accessing psychoeducation on autism, sensory differences, communication styles, and behavior from a mental health lens

●      Going to couples or family therapy to feel less alone

This is where Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) professionals and Burnett Therapeutic Services come in.

Support Is Available: How ABA Staff Can Support You

Having a strong relationship with your ABA support system is extremely important both to your child’s development and to your own mental health. We are here both to support your child and you as a parent: we know the impact that a diagnosis can have on an entire family, not just the child. We are here to help walk alongside you and support your family as a whole to thrive with the diagnosis.

Our ABA staff will lead by listening. We will not make assumptions. For example, we may ask you how you are doing with the diagnosis or what the hardest part has been, so we can support you accordingly.

We will use language that is clear and accessible, as you are likely to come to us with many questions – and that’s expected. We are there to support you and answer all the questions you may have.

Especially important in the context of this blog, we will validate your emotions and what you are feeling. As mentioned earlier, feeling overwhelmed, deep grief, sadness, and feeling guilty for all these previous emotions is normal, and we will continuously validate this while simultaneously challenging you to view the reality for what it is: autism is a manageable condition that has a plethora of resources for you to choose from.

However, we are not there to tell you how to handle this or to dictate things to you, quite the contrary. We will, instead, work with you to determine the best plan of action based on your family’s specific needs. We will look into what the priorities are, what kind of support would make everyday life feel easier for you, and we will focus on those specific points of action.

At Burnett Therapeutic Services, we are here to support you. We offer a range of supportive services, including behavioral services, mental health services, and clinic-based ABA therapy. If you have already worked with other therapists or behavioral specialists but would like to try a new provider, we can help support you with this transition. Equally, your mental health is extremely important – do reach out to us for mental health support. If you do not know where to start and simply need someone to guide you through the next steps, contact us here, and we will take it from there.

We are dedicated to providing you with the best support you deserve with compassion and excellence. Our values dictate the quality of service we provide: we lead with mission, persist with purpose, celebrate progress, and respect individuality, because no two children with autism are alike.

For further resources, click here.

Getting ready for your first holiday season with your child who was recently diagnosed? We have a blog post on this topic, too.

[1] Alibekova, R., Chan, C. K., Crape, B., Kadyrzhanuly, K., Gusmanov, A., An, S., ... & Rakhimova, M. (2022). Stress, anxiety and depression in parents of children with autism spectrum disorders in Kazakhstan: prevalence and associated factors. Global Mental Health, 9, 472-482.

[2] Sánchez Amate, J. J., & Luque de la Rosa, A. (2024). The Effect of Autism Spectrum Disorder on Family Mental Health: Challenges, Emotional Impact, and Coping Strategies. Brain sciences, 14(11), 1116.

[3] Ibid, p. 1115

[4] Catalano, D., Holloway, L., & Mpofu, E. (2018). Mental health interventions for parent carers of children with autistic spectrum disorder: Practice guidelines from a critical interpretive synthesis (CIS) systematic review. International journal of environmental research and public health, 15(2), 341.

[5] Ibid, p.17.